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Meishi Smile Dysphoria

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a few months after ...Belong came out, meishi asked me if I could do a cover of their song Dysphoria for a certain project that kinda fell through, I never got to release this because it felt lacking and I wanted to do it justice

to be honest Dysphoria is one of my favorite songs from the sophomore release and it means so much to me, the song is originally about Gender Identity and Depression, something that I'm very close to, but rather gender my identity crisis falls on whether i still feel human or not because of my depression I feel like as if my feelings as a human being is slowly deteriorating pushing me further and further into thoughts of suicide, but this song takes all those rampaging thoughts and makes me feel like I'm not alone and that someone understands me,



Meishi and I have been friends since 2014 and from someone i just talk to in the internet, they've become a mentor, a hero and like an older sibling to me but mostly one of my best friends, meishi has believed in my worth and value as a person and their existence makes me feel like I still matter in this world.

I hope you find solace in this song as I did:


the way she can't live
it's in her face
i want to promise
let it go away this time
let things feel real
so i do not feel
the weight of growing distant

i wish i grew up to speak the way you do
feeling things i wish were so natural
felt in the way that i am supposed to
i sit and smile until i am your fool

let go of patience
it feels okay to be loud
let go of kindness
and shut it all out now
let go of maybes
and what it means to know truth
maybe i'll find what i need confiding in you
now you can never sleep
you can never quite see
never quite be
the thing that i want me to be

do you want to hurt so bad?
that you can never forget again
do you want to live like that?
till you can no longer feel it there
do you ever feel it won't end?
that you can never ever hope again
well, it feels so hopeless now
it might as well just all come falling over

words i say they feel numb to me
thoughts i think they cannot make me move
i wonder what it's like to even feel pain
it's all over but the crying [moon mask cover ]

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