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I Tried To Love You [popularmusic |2017-…05-07]

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dear you,

i tried to love you
and for a while i really did
but then you went and left me
you left me for him
and i get it, i got it
i really did understand
but i don't think you did
how deep you truly hurt me

and so we tried again
and again, and again, and again
but i could never love you
not the same way as i did once before
not in the way you deserved to be loved
for i was scared of getting hurt again
of letting myself go
because i didn't want to feel that pain again

and so i hurt you
again, and again, and again
for every time it got serious i would disappear
and i know it must've stung
the first time
the second
the third and more
and for that i am truly sorry

going back to that day i came over
late at night in the summer
when we slept together but didn't sleep
when you laid down beside me
and then when the next day came
and someone told me what had happened the night before
i'm sorry for how i reacted
i tried to take your happiness away from you
even though you told me it didn't mean anything
that it wasn't him you wanted
but i was scared of losing you
even though you were already lost

and then we come to august
when you took me to see up
and that's one of my favourites
as you knew for years
but i didn't feel anything
nothing
that last hug
nothing
i couldn't feel
i stopped feeling
you hurt me
i hurt you
i love you
i loved you
i'm sorry
forgive me

i'm happy for you now
happy that you're happy
and you cross my mind everyday
to be honest, i think about you often
i just wonder if you're okay
wonder if i should reach out
but i know i shouldn't
so i don't
and i won't
and you hate me
and that's okay
because i deserve to be hated
hated by you
for everything i put you through

in time i will be better
this last year has already changed me a lot
it's all about perspective
all about solitude
all about loving yourself before letting anyone love you
and i'm almost there i think
and it's really thanks to you
if you read this
please know i loved you
i swear
and i'll always love you
but i'm not in love with you

oh dear you
please know
i don't love you anymore.

all the best,
me

//

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